The Stroke Effect

We have established that caregiving is not the easiest task in the world. There are many difficult days and nights, but we still have to see all the good in what we are doing. I know in my case, my husband would be in a nursing home right now just slowly deteriorating from the monotony and impersonal care. I do realize I was the difference in him coming home or staying in a nursing home. His mother was not physically able to care for him, his siblings had situations of their own, and other relatives were not interested or capable. This has been a long journey that I feel so privileged to have taken with him. I understood him in a way no one else could or would. That alone was essential in him healing and learning to accept what had happened to him. It was extremely difficult for him to go from capable to dependent on someone else for almost everything. That was life changing.

I would like to think God chose me to be the one to keep his spirits up, fight his battles, and let him know he is not alone.

So many things changed for us. The trips we were going to take to the beach, the conversations we don’t have due to the his aphasia, and the almost total annihilation of the man I knew before. His confidence, his romantic side, his jokes, and several other things just eminent away. It has been my job to remind him that he is the same man but simply must do things a different way. He was the type of man who handled everything and part of his identity was that. Not being able to do so many things made him feel less of a man. I had to assure him that I lost no love for him because of the stroke. If anything, my love deepened because I had to tune into him even more to understand his wishes and support him. He is no longer the funny, charismatic guy I once knew, but he is still there just hidden under sadness, regret, and pity for himself. Slowly, but surely, the person I knew is emerging little by little and finding his way back. I appreciate his strength and the privilege of being in this journey with him. I have my days when I am overwhelmed but overall I feel my past equipped me to handle everything that was thrown our way. Whatever comes next, we will face it…together.

Until next time,

Lillian